I wrote this post for another blog of mine, and it has inspired me to create this blog. So I am sharing it here, as my first post.

I mentioned to someone that I was thinking about doing a blog about sex.
What?! Sex? You can’t do that!
Oh yeah, why not? People talk about sex all the time. It’s all over the media, it’s in I don’t know how many conversations, it’s all over the internet, television…. why can’t I talk about it, too?
Well, because… we just don’t do that!
Yeah? Well, I do. :)

My thoughts aren’t really on actual sex, they’re more on women’s sex drives. In particular, how the media portrays women who don’t have any desire to have sex. They blame it on hormones, usually, or a medical problem, etc. What they don’t discuss, and this is my reason for doing this blog, is another reason: their state of Being.

I can speak from personal experience about this, and I have also spoken to many other women who agree with me. Their state of Being, otherwise known as Happiness, profoundly affects their level of sexual desire, ie., their sex drive. If a woman is not happy in her relationship, the chances are that she will not have any desire to have sex with her partner. If she is depressed, she will not have any desire. If she is over-stressed, she will not have any desire. That isn’t to say that this is always so. Some women (and men) deal with stress, by having sex. It’s a great stress reliever, wouldn’t you agree? ;) In the past when I was unhappy in a relationship, the last thing I wanted to do was have sex with my partner. For (most, not all) women, having sex is not just having sex. We feel we are giving and sharing a part of our Selves, we are sharing our inner most being, we are allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. So, if a woman is having problems with her partner, she isn’t going to offer herself up.

When this happens, it’s been MY experience, that the man does not understand this. I believe it’s hard for a woman to explain this to a man. It has been for me. Although I’ve been able to get the words out to a man, I haven’t been able to get him to actually understand, without him taking it personal.

I know a woman who recently tried to talk to her man, to explain that she wasn’t happy in their relationship and therefore, didn’t have any desire whatsoever, to have sex. He didn’t see the problem… “What does that have to do with you giving me sex?” Three cheers to her for dumping his ass. I will add, though, that that was the least of their problems.

So why is it that this reason for not wanting to have sex, or having a low sex drive, is rarely addressed? Let alone accepted and understood? My doctor once put me on hormone medication. I had had a hysterectomy, and months later, after answering his check up questions, I informed him I had no sex drive. HE automatically prescribed medication, which I took. Mistake. Not long after, when I left my ex-husband, I stopped the medication. Guess what happened? My sex drive came back like there was no tomorrow! I don’t believe it was because I stopped the medication. The medication was to help it, remember? I believe it was because I was no longer unhappy! Any number of reasons can kill a woman’s sex drive, but I am using relationships as an example in this blog, because I feel it is probably the number one reason.

If a man doesn’t understand this, it isn’t his fault. But men should still be told, and try to be understanding. People should talk about it. Doctors should stop medicating for the wrong reasons… I know, that’s a whole ‘nother blog. So, I’ve shared my thoughts on this, and if there are any men reading this… I hope that if you are ever on the receiving end of “No, honey, I’m not in the mood,” that maybe you’ll be understanding and patient, instead of asking, “What does that have to do with you giving me sex?”