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My bf and I were watching a talk show yesterday in which the topic was cheating. It led us to talk about the reasons why men cheat. My bf said he feels the number one reason men cheat is because his partner does not nurture him enough. I asked what he meant by ‘nurture,’ and he said: when a woman takes care of her man, does things for him, boosts his ego, etc. In the same sentence, he said that men are not looking for a mother figure. When I asked, “Doesn’t a mother do all of those things?”, he just stared at me.
So my question is, what do men really want in a relationship?
I’ve heard numerous men say that they lost interest, or pulled away from, their partner because their partner became boring, or too mother-like. But at the same time, they expected their partner to do the things for them that made them mother-like. I’m lost on this one. Which is it that you want… an equal partner, or a mother?
I did a little googling yesterday on this subject and the majority of men said this is what they want from their partner:
Loving
Supportive
Affectionate/Attentive
Take care of them
Do things for them – cook, clean, laundry, run errands, etc
Raise their children
Independent – have a job
Self-sufficient
Understanding
Sexy – take care of herself & always look good
Non-controlling – not telling them what to do
Allow them to hang out with their guy friends
To let them be The Man
Well, the list went on and on. It made me tired just reading it. It also made me a little irritated. A LOT is expected of women in a relationship and it makes it seem like a relationship can never be 50/50 if the woman is doing everything. Am I wrong?
To all of you men who are reading this, is this accurate? Is this what you want?
I’ll give you a little bit of honesty regarding this mother thing. We don’t want to be, act like, look like, or even resemble a mother to you. No matter what we do for you.
What IS a Nympho?
webmd.com says:
Nymphomania is an insatiable impulse to engage in sexual behavior in a female; the counterpart of satyriasis in a male.
health.discovery.com says:
Nymphomania is a layperson’s term used to label a woman, or a nympho, whose sex drive or sexual activity is subjectively deemed too high.
Have you ever been labeled a ‘nympho’? I have, and it never bothered me before. Until I read that a nympho is described as: one who, not only has a sex drive that is ‘too’ high, but is emotionless in relationships, cheats, has numerous partners, watches porn, blah, blah, blah. Well, that is not me! It sounds to me like nymphos are being categorized along with sexual addicts.
I’d like to know who determines that a woman’s sex drive is ‘too’ high? It can’t be the men out there who are with women that want sex all the time. Isn’t that what every man wants? Is it Society? Did someone over hear a couple bragging about their non-stop 24/7 sex life and say, “Oh no, that’s not right?” MY definition of a nympho? A woman who loves sex, and lots of it! What’s wrong with that?
From my own nympho-experience, I am not ashamed to admit that I like having sex, and that I do have a high sex drive. I don’t want to have sex just to have sex, though. For me, I love being with my partner, expressing myself… both physically and emotionally. A lot. ;) If that makes me a nympho, then so be it.
IS it wrong/bad to be labeled a Nympho? What do you think?
MEN: Do men really like women who are nymphos? Would you like it if your partner was a nympho? And, are there any drawbacks to being with a nympho?
WOMEN: If you’re a nympho, does the label bother you? How does your partner feel about it.
Come on, people, it’s OK to talk about this! :)
Here are some Q/A’s from a conversation I recently had with a man who wanted to share his views, after I told him about this blog. He instantly asked for the web addy, so that he, too, could learn more about women. he he he
Q. Why does society deem it acceptable for a man to date a younger woman, but unacceptable for a woman to date a younger man?
A. Society will always see the man as the bread winner, the main supporter, the head of household, the strong one. He lives his life learning how to work, support and raise a family, and take care of everything. At one point in his life, after he feels he has achieved his goals, he may turn his focus on his morality, his physical health, and having more fun. Some men reassure themselves by dating younger women because it helps them bring back their youthful energy, drives, etc. Basically, it’s an ego booster. By an older man dating a younger woman, it also tells other men that he has accomplished his goals.
When a woman goes out into society with a much younger man, that younger man is not viewed the same as the man mentioned above. He hasn’t lived his life long enough to earn the respect/acknowledgement of his life experience. Therefore, he is just viewed as “eye candy” on an older woman’s arm. Everyone knows she’s with him for the sexual aspect. The situation is kind of reversed… this older woman is the man mentioned above, who has accomplished her goals, is independent, self-sufficient, and now wanting some fun for herself.
Q. What assumptions go through a man’s head when a woman (in a relationship) doesn’t want to have sex?
A. That she’s tired, or stressed out. But if she says ‘no’ more than a few times, on different occassions, I would assume that she was seeing someone else.
Q. Why would you assume that? Why wouldn’t you instead ask her if anything was bothering her? Or maybe try to find out why she didn’t want to have sex?
A. Most women just say, “Nothing’s wrong.” They won’t elaborate, or talk about it. Then it makes the man feel like she’s hiding something, so he just assumes it has to be something terrible. Otherwise, I do ask… if she’ll answer. Women keep saying how badly they want us to communicate with them, but then they won’t communicate with us when it’s their turn to talk. (He had a good point there, ladies!)
I had to ask this one!
Q. Why is it that men always ask the woman first where something is, before they’ll even look for it themselves?
A. (laughing) Because women always know where it is! Women are usually the ones who clean the house, put things away, are more organized, and have memories that never fail. It’s always easier to just ask her, than it is to waste time looking. (Okay, I asked, he answered!)
Q. What draws you to a woman?
A. Her smile, eyes, the way she carries herself, the way she dresses. Oh yeah, every guy in the room will look at a woman who is dressed “slutty,” but he’ll also dismiss her very quickly. But show a guy a woman who is dressed classy, or sexy, and carries herself well… and he’ll try to instantly figure her out, wonder what she’s like, and let his imagination run about what she’s wearing underneath. We’re men, that’s how we are.
There you have it… one man’s views.
I wrote this post for another blog of mine, and it has inspired me to create this blog. So I am sharing it here, as my first post.
I mentioned to someone that I was thinking about doing a blog about sex.
What?! Sex? You can’t do that!
Oh yeah, why not? People talk about sex all the time. It’s all over the media, it’s in I don’t know how many conversations, it’s all over the internet, television…. why can’t I talk about it, too?
Well, because… we just don’t do that!
Yeah? Well, I do. :)
My thoughts aren’t really on actual sex, they’re more on women’s sex drives. In particular, how the media portrays women who don’t have any desire to have sex. They blame it on hormones, usually, or a medical problem, etc. What they don’t discuss, and this is my reason for doing this blog, is another reason: their state of Being.
I can speak from personal experience about this, and I have also spoken to many other women who agree with me. Their state of Being, otherwise known as Happiness, profoundly affects their level of sexual desire, ie., their sex drive. If a woman is not happy in her relationship, the chances are that she will not have any desire to have sex with her partner. If she is depressed, she will not have any desire. If she is over-stressed, she will not have any desire. That isn’t to say that this is always so. Some women (and men) deal with stress, by having sex. It’s a great stress reliever, wouldn’t you agree? ;) In the past when I was unhappy in a relationship, the last thing I wanted to do was have sex with my partner. For (most, not all) women, having sex is not just having sex. We feel we are giving and sharing a part of our Selves, we are sharing our inner most being, we are allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. So, if a woman is having problems with her partner, she isn’t going to offer herself up.
When this happens, it’s been MY experience, that the man does not understand this. I believe it’s hard for a woman to explain this to a man. It has been for me. Although I’ve been able to get the words out to a man, I haven’t been able to get him to actually understand, without him taking it personal.
I know a woman who recently tried to talk to her man, to explain that she wasn’t happy in their relationship and therefore, didn’t have any desire whatsoever, to have sex. He didn’t see the problem… “What does that have to do with you giving me sex?” Three cheers to her for dumping his ass. I will add, though, that that was the least of their problems.
So why is it that this reason for not wanting to have sex, or having a low sex drive, is rarely addressed? Let alone accepted and understood? My doctor once put me on hormone medication. I had had a hysterectomy, and months later, after answering his check up questions, I informed him I had no sex drive. HE automatically prescribed medication, which I took. Mistake. Not long after, when I left my ex-husband, I stopped the medication. Guess what happened? My sex drive came back like there was no tomorrow! I don’t believe it was because I stopped the medication. The medication was to help it, remember? I believe it was because I was no longer unhappy! Any number of reasons can kill a woman’s sex drive, but I am using relationships as an example in this blog, because I feel it is probably the number one reason.
If a man doesn’t understand this, it isn’t his fault. But men should still be told, and try to be understanding. People should talk about it. Doctors should stop medicating for the wrong reasons… I know, that’s a whole ‘nother blog. So, I’ve shared my thoughts on this, and if there are any men reading this… I hope that if you are ever on the receiving end of “No, honey, I’m not in the mood,” that maybe you’ll be understanding and patient, instead of asking, “What does that have to do with you giving me sex?”
