Relationships: What do men REALLY want?

My bf and I were watching a talk show yesterday in which the topic was cheating. It led us to talk about the reasons why men cheat. My bf said he feels the number one reason men cheat is because his partner does not nurture him enough. I asked what he meant by ‘nurture,’ and he said: when a woman takes care of her man, does things for him, boosts his ego, etc. In the same sentence, he said that men are not looking for a mother figure. When I asked, “Doesn’t a mother do all of those things?”, he just stared at me.

So my question is, what do men really want in a relationship?

I’ve heard numerous men say that they lost interest, or pulled away from, their partner because their partner became boring, or too mother-like. But at the same time, they expected their partner to do the things for them that made them mother-like. I’m lost on this one. Which is it that you want… an equal partner, or a mother?

I did a little googling yesterday on this subject and the majority of men said this is what they want from their partner:

Loving
Supportive
Affectionate/Attentive
Take care of them
Do things for them – cook, clean, laundry, run errands, etc
Raise their children
Independent – have a job
Self-sufficient
Understanding
Sexy – take care of herself & always look good
Non-controlling – not telling them what to do
Allow them to hang out with their guy friends
To let them be The Man

Well, the list went on and on. It made me tired just reading it. It also made me a little irritated. A LOT is expected of women in a relationship and it makes it seem like a relationship can never be 50/50 if the woman is doing everything. Am I wrong?

To all of you men who are reading this, is this accurate? Is this what you want?

I’ll give you a little bit of honesty regarding this mother thing. We don’t want to be, act like, look like, or even resemble a mother to you. No matter what we do for you.

Emotional Infidelity

I was watching a show that discussed emotional infidelity—having an ‘affair of the heart’ without necessarily moving to the physical level. The consensus was that an emotional affair is worse than a physical affair. (assuming one can split the two, of course).
They said 97% percent of the women surveyed felt that an emotional affair would likely lead to a physical affair.
Warning signs that you are entering dangerous waters include increasing your communication with this person, thinking about this person a lot, and fantasizing about that person. The experts on the panel also said that often, a person enters an emotional affair when the sex life at home has fizzled out a bit.
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Ok
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So, I start to thinking (always dangerous)…
What if a person is having all the physical encounters they want and need at home, but is searching for intimacy/friendship? What if the primary relationship does not lend itself to sharing secrets, joys, pains, etc?
How is it bitching to your best girlfriend different from bitching to your best guy friend?
I am one that is against ‘male bashing’ and ‘husband bashing’. I think its mean and cruel.
But I imagine that sometimes, a person has an issue they would want to talk about, or is not receiving the emotional support they need at home.
I suppose there is always therapy. But a therapist costs money, and a therapists goal is going to be to teach you to rely on yourself.
What if you just want a sympathetic ear? Is that emotional infidelity?
And what if you do fantasize about another person? Does that make you a cheater? Does it matter if its Brad Pitt vs. the sexy guy who delivers your mail? Does it matter if its a stranger or a person you’ve known your whole life?

Did you just call me a Nympho?

What IS a Nympho?

webmd.com says:
Nymphomania is an insatiable impulse to engage in sexual behavior in a female; the counterpart of satyriasis in a male.

health.discovery.com says:
Nymphomania is a layperson’s term used to label a woman, or a nympho, whose sex drive or sexual activity is subjectively deemed too high.

Have you ever been labeled a ‘nympho’? I have, and it never bothered me before. Until I read that a nympho is described as: one who, not only has a sex drive that is ‘too’ high, but is emotionless in relationships, cheats, has numerous partners, watches porn, blah, blah, blah. Well, that is not me! It sounds to me like nymphos are being categorized along with sexual addicts.

I’d like to know who determines that a woman’s sex drive is ‘too’ high? It can’t be the men out there who are with women that want sex all the time. Isn’t that what every man wants? Is it Society? Did someone over hear a couple bragging about their non-stop 24/7 sex life and say, “Oh no, that’s not right?” MY definition of a nympho? A woman who loves sex, and lots of it! What’s wrong with that?

From my own nympho-experience, I am not ashamed to admit that I like having sex, and that I do have a high sex drive. I don’t want to have sex just to have sex, though. For me, I love being with my partner, expressing myself… both physically and emotionally. A lot. ;) If that makes me a nympho, then so be it.

IS it wrong/bad to be labeled a Nympho? What do you think?

MEN: Do men really like women who are nymphos? Would you like it if your partner was a nympho? And, are there any drawbacks to being with a nympho?

WOMEN: If you’re a nympho, does the label bother you? How does your partner feel about it.

Come on, people, it’s OK to talk about this! :)

Is intimacy overrated?

Is intimacy overrated? Can you have a sexual relationship without all the bells and whistles of intimacy?

Sex when it’s boiled down to basics is really just a body function (albeit a very nice one!). However, there are other things involved with it…hormones, emotions, love, lust, attraction, body image, self esteem, comfort…I imagine that list can go on.

When you factor in all the above, it makes it seem like there needs to be a degree of intimacy in order to really be able to ‘let go’ and enjoy yourself. I mean, can you really concentrate on how great you feel if you are wondering about your thighs in the lighting?

But then again, if there is no intimacy…do you care what your thighs look like?

I’ll admit, I’ve been married for…oh, a long time! I am ‘out of the loop’ on modern sexual and dating practices. I am interested in your thoughts and perceptions on the topic of intimacy…

Please comment, let’s get a dialog going! I look forward to your responses. (And yes, I want to hear from women AND men!!)

Second life = Second wife?

The other morning, I was luxuriating in bed after a couple of really long shifts at work. The morning talk shows filtered thru my cobwebby brain, and I was floating on a sea of (rather unprintable) dreams.

Something they said on tv, however, caught my attention and I began to listen.

Apparently there are websites where one can have an alter life. Like “Sims” or some such. You can choose your avatar, your clothes, your livingspace and lifestyle…you all get the picture.

To make it all that more (profitable?) (delicious?) (tempting?) interesting…you can choose to have virtual sex as well. This isn’t the ‘old fashioned’ virtual sex where you are typing back and forth. Nope, here you can also have hot, steamy, virtual sex with your other online friends.

On Mike and Juliet they discussed the pro’s and con’s of online virtual sex. The man featured, one of the creators of the Second Life website, apparently has his ‘real life’ wife and then has his ’second life wife’…and he shares ’second life sex’ with her as well.

Stranger still, his real life wife came on the show to support him! (He IS raking in the cash of course.)

So huh, what do you all think?

Is this a new form of pornography? Is this just a natural outcropping of the ongoing virtual sexual revolution?

Is this cheating?